O Winter, Thine Enemy Mine!

Thought I’d try my hand at Ye Olde Shakespearean Anglish today – pretty fun.

FYI: Yeah, Yeah. Before I get inundated with comments from the Proper Poetic Form Nazi’s, I know my iambic pentameter is broken and my stanza’s (not Costanza’s) are a bit caddywumpus. I have an appointment at the Yeats and Frost poetry repair shop next Tuesday so spare me the lectures.


Snowy Winter

1) O Winter! Thine enemy Mine
Usurper of all that is Warm
And Fine

2) Relentless one, Year over Year
Frigid art thou and of no
Good cheer

3) Upon my Door, Old and Cold
Despised – thoust arrives upon
My threshold

4) Fair Guest? NO! Gray all Day
Thy Vile arrival – even Late – is too soon
I say

5) Frozen – I, Ear to Ear
Thy very Breath – Icy clouds
They do appear

6) Digits frozen, Numb and Dumb
Tis beside the Fire – Alive
They become

7) So tis Here, in Stealth and good Health
Shall I reside – til Dread Winter hath spent
Its Wealth

8) Betwixt March and April
Doth the Season turn
So Aloud sayeth I
“Farewell, Old Man,
Do Not Return”

9) But knowest better I
For Spring and Summer and Fall
Doth Fly

10) Old Man Winter
Knowest such too
And with Icy Middle Finger raised
Bids a Frozen Adieu
And to all Avers,
“I shall see’est thou soon”

I get that some of the language is a little Archaic so here is the translation into Modern English (no, silly, not this Modern English):


1) Winter sucks
2) Winter shows up and shits on everybody’s good time
3) Every year, here it is, knocking on my f’ing door
4) “Nobody wants you here!” Even when Winter shows up late it’s still too damn early
5) Everything’s cold. Everything!
6) “Great! Now I can’t feel my fingers or my toes!”
7) Stuck inside drinking Bourbon until Winter pisses off (maybe this is a net positive)
8) “Fuck you, Winter Boy! See ya!”
9) Warm weather days fly by – I know it – and so does he. Bastard!
10) Winter has the last laugh – as always – “I hate you man.”

**Originally Posted on 13 Dec 2017**

Author: ThoughtMarauder

Cavalier, bomb-thrower, provocateur, neanderthal, father, proud US Army Airborne veteran, proud American, lover of many things: God, country, family, baseball, Scotch whiskey, cigars, old-school jazz, dogs, Sinatra, watches, shoes and sunshine..

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